Thursday, January 25, 2007
The "Mitchell Hults" Phenom?
Speaking of Superheroes
OK, just a forewarning: this blog is going to sound absolutely Scroogey. Probably most of you are going to wish the Ghost of Christmas Future will not only point out my grave but put me in it before you finish reading this entry. But that's all right; I'm willing to face my fate.
A short while back, I blogged about the Shawn Hornbeck/Ben Ownby kidnapping cases. You know, Ben had been missing for 4 days and Shawn had been missing for 4 years (only 50 miles from home)? Well, key to their recovery was a tip from 15-year old Mitchell Hults; he spied a white Nissan pickup speeding away from Ben's bus stop right after Ben had been dropped off. Two STL metro officers spotted the truck Mitchell described, "and the rest", as they say, "is history!"
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have it: the "Mitchell Hults Phenomenon"! Just yesterday, Mitchell was presented with a brand-new Dodge pickup (white, of course) and is being touted as a true American hero. BTW, he's too young to drive or even own his own vehicle. Yesterday, as well, a local homebuilder announced that they are going to build Shawn's family a brand-new home for free.
No, this isn't about my 1985 twice-totaled by hail and car wreck Chevy Celebrity coupe that doesn't have driver's side door trim, a working right turn-signal, or a functional windshield washer fluid pump. Ok, maybe that's it a little.
If I Were Shawn . . .
No, really I don't begrudge Mitchell Hults or Shawn Hornbeck anything, but I've got this niggling at the back of my neck that this isn't about heroism anymore-it's about publicity stunts. And you've gotta admit it's a pretty smooth move-the Hornbecks were on Oprah (alongwith Shawn); their names are being splashed across the national news. I wish I could calculate the time the building company gets on the news reports and convert that into advertising dollars; I'll bet you the free airtime is worth a lot more than one measly house. Sorry I'm so jaded, but I don't think this is being done out of the "goodness of their hearts".
Now, I've never been kidnapped, though perhaps my mom and/or wife have wished at points that I would be, but I would think that after 4 years of being forcefully kept from my home, the last thing I would want to do would be to move into a new home. I mean (again sounding Scroogey), Shawn is going to be facing some serious problems-why add the stress of a new environment?
Now, if I were Mitch, would I really want to pick up girls in my new ride, look slyly across the seat at them and say: "You know, this pickup is an exact replica of the one a pervert used to kidnap a 13-year old boy?" (I know, I know; Mitch's truck is a Dodge; the kidnapper's was a Nissan, but you get my point). Who would want a constant reminder like that?
Kind of Sounds Like "Lou Gehrig's Disease"
This is probably the unkindest cut of all: when I read this blog entry on the STL Post-Dispatch website, the only thing I could think of is that this sounds like some sort of CDC public service announcement: "There are now 18 reported cases of he 'Mitchell Hults Phenomenon': a strange syndrome where people suddenly hallucinate, seeing alien beings sliding slimy tentacles into the ear canals of passersby and extracting ear wax, which they then melt down to make much-sought-after candles on their home planet of Zarthex (did I ever tell you one of my favorite all-time books is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?). If you see anyone suddenly run down the road screaming: 'The Zarthexian Candle Company is here!', please call your local CDC office right away."
Mr. Greenbaum asks: "Has the Mitchell Hults phenomenon gone over the top?" Yes, a thousand times yes! It went over the top the very minute it was named the "Mitchell Hults Phenomenon"! Because, and especially in light of yesterday's entry (my mind is still stuck on superheroes), a hero by definition is someone who does extraordinary things. Mitchell was just doing what anyone who had seen a white pickup speeding away from a bus-stop and then found out a child was missing would do-tell the boy's parents. Duhhhh!
You're a Good Man, Mitchell Hults
But that's all. He's not even "courageous", according to the definition of the word. He did what was right NOT what was heroic! Does he deserve recognition? Of course; he did his job as a responsible citizen. Does he deserve a new truck? Well, he can't really use it right now; anybody offering free driving lessons? Hey! I'm a good driver; hmm . . .that'd really put Gateway on the map! Maybe I could score an Oprah interview: "He's an OT scholar, pop culture critic, and father of a newborn daughter. Next, meet the man who taught the boy who won the truck because he tipped off the cops to catch the man who kidnapped the other boy and another boy who had been missing a lot longer how to drive!" That has a ring to it, kind of, don't you think?
Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!
OK, just a forewarning: this blog is going to sound absolutely Scroogey. Probably most of you are going to wish the Ghost of Christmas Future will not only point out my grave but put me in it before you finish reading this entry. But that's all right; I'm willing to face my fate.
A short while back, I blogged about the Shawn Hornbeck/Ben Ownby kidnapping cases. You know, Ben had been missing for 4 days and Shawn had been missing for 4 years (only 50 miles from home)? Well, key to their recovery was a tip from 15-year old Mitchell Hults; he spied a white Nissan pickup speeding away from Ben's bus stop right after Ben had been dropped off. Two STL metro officers spotted the truck Mitchell described, "and the rest", as they say, "is history!"
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have it: the "Mitchell Hults Phenomenon"! Just yesterday, Mitchell was presented with a brand-new Dodge pickup (white, of course) and is being touted as a true American hero. BTW, he's too young to drive or even own his own vehicle. Yesterday, as well, a local homebuilder announced that they are going to build Shawn's family a brand-new home for free.
No, this isn't about my 1985 twice-totaled by hail and car wreck Chevy Celebrity coupe that doesn't have driver's side door trim, a working right turn-signal, or a functional windshield washer fluid pump. Ok, maybe that's it a little.
If I Were Shawn . . .
No, really I don't begrudge Mitchell Hults or Shawn Hornbeck anything, but I've got this niggling at the back of my neck that this isn't about heroism anymore-it's about publicity stunts. And you've gotta admit it's a pretty smooth move-the Hornbecks were on Oprah (alongwith Shawn); their names are being splashed across the national news. I wish I could calculate the time the building company gets on the news reports and convert that into advertising dollars; I'll bet you the free airtime is worth a lot more than one measly house. Sorry I'm so jaded, but I don't think this is being done out of the "goodness of their hearts".
Now, I've never been kidnapped, though perhaps my mom and/or wife have wished at points that I would be, but I would think that after 4 years of being forcefully kept from my home, the last thing I would want to do would be to move into a new home. I mean (again sounding Scroogey), Shawn is going to be facing some serious problems-why add the stress of a new environment?
Now, if I were Mitch, would I really want to pick up girls in my new ride, look slyly across the seat at them and say: "You know, this pickup is an exact replica of the one a pervert used to kidnap a 13-year old boy?" (I know, I know; Mitch's truck is a Dodge; the kidnapper's was a Nissan, but you get my point). Who would want a constant reminder like that?
Kind of Sounds Like "Lou Gehrig's Disease"
This is probably the unkindest cut of all: when I read this blog entry on the STL Post-Dispatch website, the only thing I could think of is that this sounds like some sort of CDC public service announcement: "There are now 18 reported cases of he 'Mitchell Hults Phenomenon': a strange syndrome where people suddenly hallucinate, seeing alien beings sliding slimy tentacles into the ear canals of passersby and extracting ear wax, which they then melt down to make much-sought-after candles on their home planet of Zarthex (did I ever tell you one of my favorite all-time books is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?). If you see anyone suddenly run down the road screaming: 'The Zarthexian Candle Company is here!', please call your local CDC office right away."
Mr. Greenbaum asks: "Has the Mitchell Hults phenomenon gone over the top?" Yes, a thousand times yes! It went over the top the very minute it was named the "Mitchell Hults Phenomenon"! Because, and especially in light of yesterday's entry (my mind is still stuck on superheroes), a hero by definition is someone who does extraordinary things. Mitchell was just doing what anyone who had seen a white pickup speeding away from a bus-stop and then found out a child was missing would do-tell the boy's parents. Duhhhh!
You're a Good Man, Mitchell Hults
But that's all. He's not even "courageous", according to the definition of the word. He did what was right NOT what was heroic! Does he deserve recognition? Of course; he did his job as a responsible citizen. Does he deserve a new truck? Well, he can't really use it right now; anybody offering free driving lessons? Hey! I'm a good driver; hmm . . .that'd really put Gateway on the map! Maybe I could score an Oprah interview: "He's an OT scholar, pop culture critic, and father of a newborn daughter. Next, meet the man who taught the boy who won the truck because he tipped off the cops to catch the man who kidnapped the other boy and another boy who had been missing a lot longer how to drive!" That has a ring to it, kind of, don't you think?
Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!
# posted by Luke @ 9:15 PM 
Comments:
<< Home
The Hornbeck's on Oprah was disgusting. I didn't view the episode but saw snippets of it online and it was dissected on several talk radio shows. How embarrassing for those boys! I fear the parents are nearly as ruthless as their captor in their need for attention.
Post a Comment
<< Home
