Friday, January 19, 2007
Whu. . .huh? Where Did My Week Go?
It's Been One of Those Weeks
You know, the kind of week that you hope won't strike until late February/early March? You know, the week where you watch your carefully-planned New Year's Resolutions fade into that middle distance called "Next Year"? Yep, the resolution revolution ended a bit early this year. I've only been successful on one count. I'm on a 30-day diet; so far, it's going pretty well; I've already lost 19 days. (Betcha didn't see that one coming, did ya?).
On to the Really Hard Issues
OK, so I'm an OT teacher/guy/dude, but I don't get this news item in Slate today. Conservative Judaism just decided last month to allow openly gay men to enter rabbinic schools; now, they're going to allow persons with only Jewish fathers (I assume that means their mothers are non-Jewish) in. And now the gloves come off; it's a BIG fight now! Wow, it's a strange religious world when your birth-mother is considered more important than your sexual orientation. Does anybody else think the American religious scene is looking a little strange? Looks like our world has moved beyond the, "You mean you've never cut your hair?!" era-WAY beyond! But, it's been a long week, and I'm tired, so I'm just grousing. I'm never very satisfied with the way anything's going at 10 o'clock on a Friday evening.
"Natural" Options
So, my wife scheduled us last week for our Lamaze class (why does the name include the word "amaze"?); it's kind of weird to go because my wife's doctor has pretty much outright said that she'll have to have a C-section (for reasons I really don't understand, but my wife does). Which my wife has become more excited about, the more she reads birth stories. "I was in labor for 975 hours before the baby came! He was already talking by the time he finally came out," or whatever. Anyway, it's only strengthened my wife's resolve.
But still we get that question: "So, are you going to have a natural birth?" Like the "Who's your mama?" issue above, I just don't get it. Actually, I don't get how to answer it. Do I say, "No, we'd really prefer an unnatural birth! In fact, we're hoping it's not even a natural child, but some sort of cross between a gremlin and an elf." WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? OF COURSE, I WANT IT TO BE "NATURAL". (For those of you who don't know, ask my students; I like to yell, particularly about hypothetical stupid questions). I WANT IT AS "NATURAL" AS IT CAN BE.
Or so I thought, until I read Michael Lewis' meditation on a "natural birth", Berkeley, CA-style. Here's the best (or worst) part:
"The ideal Berkeley birth has probably never actually happened, but if it has, it happened far from civilization, in the woods, without painkillers or doctors or any intervention whatsoever by modern medicine. Along one side of the birthing mother was a wall of doulas wailing a folk song; along the other, all the people she has ever known; at her feet, a full-length mirror, in which she watched her baby emerging; at her head, a mother wolf, licking and suckling. Incense-filled urns released meaningful, carbon-free odors. The placenta was saved and, if not grilled, recycled."
OK, if I know anything about my wife, that is not her picture of a "natural" birth. Painkillers and doctors are foundational to doing it "naturally", just like you would "naturally" go to the dentist to have a tooth pulled-you wouldn't ask your spouse, "Grab 'em 'ere pliers, and dig out this rotted thang, fer me, will ya?" Because, naturally, you don't want to die writhing in mortal agony from a botched tooth extraction when, for a few hundred bucks (or less, with insurance), you could spend an hour or so in blissful laughing-gas Nirvana. That just makes sense!
Our baby's wailing will be fine, no doulas necessary. Incense will probably make my wife's allergies act up, so that's out. The suckling she-wolf sounds either corny of horror-movieish, I can't quite decide. Full-length mirror? Ewww . . . I'll be quite happy with the finished, mucus-free product.
So, now, someone aks, "So, are you going to have a natural birth?", I snap, "Define natural!" To me, it's real basic; safe wife, healthy baby, and whatever happens in the interval to make that a reality-why, that's just "natural"!
Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!
You know, the kind of week that you hope won't strike until late February/early March? You know, the week where you watch your carefully-planned New Year's Resolutions fade into that middle distance called "Next Year"? Yep, the resolution revolution ended a bit early this year. I've only been successful on one count. I'm on a 30-day diet; so far, it's going pretty well; I've already lost 19 days. (Betcha didn't see that one coming, did ya?).
On to the Really Hard Issues
OK, so I'm an OT teacher/guy/dude, but I don't get this news item in Slate today. Conservative Judaism just decided last month to allow openly gay men to enter rabbinic schools; now, they're going to allow persons with only Jewish fathers (I assume that means their mothers are non-Jewish) in. And now the gloves come off; it's a BIG fight now! Wow, it's a strange religious world when your birth-mother is considered more important than your sexual orientation. Does anybody else think the American religious scene is looking a little strange? Looks like our world has moved beyond the, "You mean you've never cut your hair?!" era-WAY beyond! But, it's been a long week, and I'm tired, so I'm just grousing. I'm never very satisfied with the way anything's going at 10 o'clock on a Friday evening.
"Natural" Options
So, my wife scheduled us last week for our Lamaze class (why does the name include the word "amaze"?); it's kind of weird to go because my wife's doctor has pretty much outright said that she'll have to have a C-section (for reasons I really don't understand, but my wife does). Which my wife has become more excited about, the more she reads birth stories. "I was in labor for 975 hours before the baby came! He was already talking by the time he finally came out," or whatever. Anyway, it's only strengthened my wife's resolve.
But still we get that question: "So, are you going to have a natural birth?" Like the "Who's your mama?" issue above, I just don't get it. Actually, I don't get how to answer it. Do I say, "No, we'd really prefer an unnatural birth! In fact, we're hoping it's not even a natural child, but some sort of cross between a gremlin and an elf." WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? OF COURSE, I WANT IT TO BE "NATURAL". (For those of you who don't know, ask my students; I like to yell, particularly about hypothetical stupid questions). I WANT IT AS "NATURAL" AS IT CAN BE.
Or so I thought, until I read Michael Lewis' meditation on a "natural birth", Berkeley, CA-style. Here's the best (or worst) part:
"The ideal Berkeley birth has probably never actually happened, but if it has, it happened far from civilization, in the woods, without painkillers or doctors or any intervention whatsoever by modern medicine. Along one side of the birthing mother was a wall of doulas wailing a folk song; along the other, all the people she has ever known; at her feet, a full-length mirror, in which she watched her baby emerging; at her head, a mother wolf, licking and suckling. Incense-filled urns released meaningful, carbon-free odors. The placenta was saved and, if not grilled, recycled."
OK, if I know anything about my wife, that is not her picture of a "natural" birth. Painkillers and doctors are foundational to doing it "naturally", just like you would "naturally" go to the dentist to have a tooth pulled-you wouldn't ask your spouse, "Grab 'em 'ere pliers, and dig out this rotted thang, fer me, will ya?" Because, naturally, you don't want to die writhing in mortal agony from a botched tooth extraction when, for a few hundred bucks (or less, with insurance), you could spend an hour or so in blissful laughing-gas Nirvana. That just makes sense!
Our baby's wailing will be fine, no doulas necessary. Incense will probably make my wife's allergies act up, so that's out. The suckling she-wolf sounds either corny of horror-movieish, I can't quite decide. Full-length mirror? Ewww . . . I'll be quite happy with the finished, mucus-free product.
So, now, someone aks, "So, are you going to have a natural birth?", I snap, "Define natural!" To me, it's real basic; safe wife, healthy baby, and whatever happens in the interval to make that a reality-why, that's just "natural"!
Questions, comments, concerns? Please feel free to E-mail me!
# posted by Luke @ 9:37 PM 
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I would say "Who cares what happens as long as you get a good story out of it to scare other possible mothers out of their living daylights?" but then I'm not the one growing a human being either.
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