A Month in the Life

So this is it. The end. You've been waiting for it; I know I have.

Of course I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get to all of the topics I wished to address, but that's life.

Stay in Touch!

I will continue to comment on my previous entries, if you would like to comment.

-Ben

My real email: ben.cohen@newarkupc.org

I promised that I would finish the story of the girls, so I'm going to do my best in the time I have left. There's really not much more to tell about Chloe and Taylor before they left the house, so I'll do this in photographs.















After the girls returned home, we continued to see them on Sundays. As a condition of keeping the girls, the mother had to keep her job. Thus, when she worked on Sundays, we were asked to watch them. It was, of course, tough to turn them over initially; however, it was even harder to watch them for a few hours, and then return them. This only continued for a few weeks. As the system is pretty lax, when the mother lost her job, she kept the kids.

I didn't see them again until July, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Since my mother is a nurse, family services asked her to take care of a high-maintenance child (all children are high-maintenance, but she more so than others) with juvenile diabetes. Natalie came home one evening and immediately took to my mother. There was a little tension at first (developing a routine), but she immediately began referring to her as "mommy." I didn't have much time to spend with her, because I was in the middle of final exams and papers in my final semester of graduate school.

In July, I was invited to the party of a little girl in the church who had become fast friends with Taylor. And my baby came! I was pretty sure she would come (hence my appearance at the party of a 7 year old girl), but I was surprised at how much she'd grown. I have no idea what her mother was feeding her, but it all got converted into baby fat.





I didn't see them for 5 months, but I was busy enough with Natalie to keep my mind off of them. Over this time period, I went to NABQT/NAYC, started a full-time job and "entered the ministry"--whatever that means. So I was busy, but I still missed my baby. In the meantime, Natalie became a real part of the family, not only calling my mother "mommy" but referring to me as "daddy" when I'm not around. Unfortunately, because of her situation, I'm going to refrain from posting any photos of her. While I'm not technically covered by the court order, I prefer to err on the side of her safety. Needless to say, Natalie is just as cute as the other two. She has a sob story, but again, I prefer not to tell it for her safety. (I've also left out many details of Taylor's story--for a six year old, she's had a pretty amazing life--no wonder she's out of control.)

But my baby returned on the 7th of December. Her mother had begun working again, and needed someone to watch her girls on the weekend. Who could she depend on? Us, of course. That was the weekend of the church Christmas Banquet, so I brought her along as my date.



The mother, like the state, quickly discovered that if she could get in once, she had us hooked. We ended up watching the girls for 8 consecutive weekends. As you can see from the fact that I hadn't shaved for the banquet, I was exhausted. Natalie and Taylor bicker like little girls, and Chloe started walking at 11 months, so she's into everything. While I will certainly be prepared for an infant wandering around the house and getting into everything when I have kids of my own, I was not ready for this, so even now, the only time I take my eyes off her during the whole weekend is when she's asleep in her crib. Like I said: exhausting.





Now what?
The state is working to terminate Natalie's parent's rights to her. The question that I have to contend with is: what do I do now? My mother is totally incapable of taking care of her on her own, and I'm not going to be living with her forever. The question I'm facing is: should I adopt her? I really don't know what to do, because if I do adopt her, I'll be saddled with all the responsibility of having a four year old. Paying for special care for her while I work, getting her medication, taking her to the doctor, going to little girls' birthday parties, trying to raise her right. But if I don't adopt her, who knows what kind of home she'll end up in. I'm really struggling with what I should do, but I feel a certain peace in knowing that God will work it out. He's brought the other two back into my life, so I have to trust him with everything.

Well it's a glorious (though cold) 29 February, and my last day of blogging. Anyone ever see a remake of the Pirates of Penzance? I vaguely recall seeing it in music class in 6th grade (or something like that), but the only detail that I remember involves the fact that Frederic was born on the 29th of February, but would not be released from his service until he reached his 21st birthday (which it turned out would last until he were 88--as 1900 was not a leap year). It always struck me as stupid, until I encountered something similar in real life.

I started driving when I was 15 (I believe I got my license on 28 Dec 1999), and I'm not sure of the details of my insurance plan (my dad pays for this--still), but my original insurance plan was set up to expire on the last day of my next birth month--29 February 2000. While this worked out fine, when I went to check my insurance card in March of 2001, I found that it had expired on "29 February 2001," hence the insurance company had forgotten to send a replacement, since its real expiration date never occurred. Of course, this was quickly resolved, and I received a temporary card, until the next one came, but it just struck me as a point of interest that their computers were smart enough to recognize 29 Feb 2000, but dumb enough to assign the renewal date as 29 Feb 2001.

You did know that Y2K really did happen, didn't you? On 29 Feb 2000, multitudes of workers were locked out of their buildings, servers crashed, but you didn't miss a beat, because this barely scratched the surface of the American economy.

Just watch out for 19 January 2038.

The serious post...

I've been meaning to write a post about a particular topic (actually there are 3, but I'll just get to 1 today), but I've been busy (needless to say). In any case, after quiz practice 2 weeks in a row, I've been wondering how I might motivate these kids toward wanting to be involved in Bible Quizzing. It's never been harder, since there have been zero other teams in the district for the last three years (or maybe just two--I can't remember...lis?). Anyway, we haven't had any competition in the district since 2005, and the northeast region has had a similar downturn. It's particularly difficult in the current climate of our quizzing program. You see, we've had a very successful Bible Quizzing program over the last 23 years. It's been so successful, in fact, that parents are forcing their children to be involved on a large scale. In previous years, we've started a year with 20 senior quizzers and 35 juniors (we've had to move the starting age up to 9 to make this manageable) (Aside: I say 'started,' because a program that large always loses about half of its quizzers over the course of the year).

In a youth group of 25-50, that's a very significant portion of the population. The examples of successful bible quizzers (3 PhD's*--two of them Harvard grads, and then there's me...) are so potent that parents require their kids to quiz. While this initially seemed like a good idea to me, since it teaches them discipline, I'm now questioning the utility of forcing a child to quiz. Actually, let me rephrase: I'm questioning the utility of forcing a child to quiz who is adamantly opposed, when the parents don't put in the time necessary to make either a young or a reluctant quizzer study. In particular, I think it's detrimental for an individual to make a commitment (or a parent to make a commitment on behalf of a child) and then not follow through. As I've been teaching my middle school class over the last two weeks, Jesus instructs us:

You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’ But I say, do not make any vows! [...] Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.

But Jesus wasn't encouraging us to be nonchalant about our commitments, instead, we need to count the cost:

If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. But don’t begin until you count the cost.**

I wonder if we play up the benefits of Bible Quizzing, while not emphasizing the costs. If the kids or parents are sufficiently motivated, the cost won't be important, just as when individuals are motivated, they will shun the costs and take up the cross.

To me, it comes down to the heart. I was just as lazy as the next kid. In fact, that's what enables me to be such an effective coach, since I know how quizzers think, know when they're going to slack off, and can tell them precisely how to recover. I've been trying to find a difference between my successful career (I was never really good, but I stuck with it for ten years and could compete), and those who quit. The only real distinction that I could come up with is that I always had a deep desire to quiz...I'm not sure why--maybe it was my awe of the trophies, and the teenagers who got called up to the platform to receive them, or maybe it was just my enjoyment of the game, or it may have been something totally different--I don't know. But, I do know that there existed a deep desire within me to stick with it and keep going. I have a heart for Bible Quizzing. Now, the question is, how do we impart this to the next generation? I'm still figuring that out, but if you have any suggestions, let me know...

And yet, there remains another element to this heart issue. The heart's desire that kept me in Bible Quizzing is similar to the heart's desire that keeps me seeking God. It's an awesome parallel (which is the true ministry of Bible Quizzing--teaching you the lessons of life before you grow up***). I suppose I have the same question about developing a heart that seeks after God. How can one cultivate this? The only answer I can really look to, and the only one that I have the best chance of understanding is that story of my own life and relationship with and to God. The problem is: I can't remember a time when I did not have a heart for God...there was never a time when I really thought of forsaking the church. Of course there were times when the world looked good (or appetizing in the Hobbesian sense), but my very understanding of who God is precludes me from doing so. Of course I'm a sinner, but how could I ever knowingly depart from God? My whole life is founded upon an understanding of God. As Peter so aptly put it:

From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

But that still leaves me to wonder: how can such a heart for God be developed. Sure I know how to nurture a heart that seeks God, but I don't know how to turn a heart toward God. I suppose that's not really my job, though.

But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day, says the Lord: I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.

In the end, I suppose we can market Jesus or bible quizzing all we want, but the true changing power of each is only evidenced in those who truly have a desirous heart. That is not to say that there's no reason to market either, but I think the best example we have of how to reach others is to follow Jesus' example (always a good idea). We have no record of Jesus advertising in the temple or the markets--instead, he allowed the power of his words and deeds to shine through. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak. The evidence of Jesus' effect upon our lives ought to be the most shining advertisement of the power of God. I suppose I should not be quite so worried about our quizzing program--the effects speak for themselves--parents and children simply need to identify a need, and see the shining examples of bible quizzing.

E-mail
*(expected)
** emphasis added. This is why I feel bad for not posting more often...sorry Kent!
***This is certainly not to say that if you don't have a heart for quizzing, that you can't or won't have a heart for God, but that recognition and development of a heart's desire can assist one in recognizing and developing another desire of the heart.

Don't you hate it when you get one of those mass emails from someone in Louisiana inviting you to their prayer meeting or conference next week? Well here's mine, and it's only really directed at local individuals (though I'm not sure there are any reading).

Remember that Children's Weekend poster I was talking about? Yeah.