Prayer for the Fantasy Footballer
Posted by: Bradley McDonald
Someone brought my attention to this article on fantasyasylum.com, a fantasy football website. It's a lighthearted mock prayer for those who play fantasy football. It's quite amusing if you play fantasy football. If you don't, you might not get it.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know whether my players listed as “questionable” will start. Instill in me the strength to resist the urge to bench studs in favor of lesser players with favorable matchups. Steady my mind and guide my hand in selecting dudes from the Wire, and instill in me the strength through thy omniscience to know when I’m getting jobbed in a trade. Allow Tiki Barber two short touchdowns to ensure victory in the league I own him in, but limit his yardage to under 90 so that I can win in the league where the guy I’m playing owns him. Oh Lord, let Peyton Manning’s touchdowns be bountiful, but a couple interceptions to Ronde Barber wouldn’t hurt. And a sack from Simeon Rice would be cool too, oh Gracious One. Please, Dear Lord, allow me this one victory in the money league as you’ve seen fit to grant me an ankle biter on-the-way, and through your infinite wisdom, you’ve determined diapers to cost a buttload –pun not intendedest. Oh Lord, hear my pleas to grant victory over my opponents this week – they all use thy name in vain, succumb to gluttony, and disobey speed limits. If, through thy infinite wisdom, thou determinest to grant victory to the heathens this week, a small, localized plague of locusts at their abode would be pretty sweet. Amen. "
I'd like to add Randy Moss and his hamstring to the prayer request list. I just acquired him in a trade and I'm hoping he'll get healthy and help me in the playoffs.
Someone brought my attention to this article on fantasyasylum.com, a fantasy football website. It's a lighthearted mock prayer for those who play fantasy football. It's quite amusing if you play fantasy football. If you don't, you might not get it.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know whether my players listed as “questionable” will start. Instill in me the strength to resist the urge to bench studs in favor of lesser players with favorable matchups. Steady my mind and guide my hand in selecting dudes from the Wire, and instill in me the strength through thy omniscience to know when I’m getting jobbed in a trade. Allow Tiki Barber two short touchdowns to ensure victory in the league I own him in, but limit his yardage to under 90 so that I can win in the league where the guy I’m playing owns him. Oh Lord, let Peyton Manning’s touchdowns be bountiful, but a couple interceptions to Ronde Barber wouldn’t hurt. And a sack from Simeon Rice would be cool too, oh Gracious One. Please, Dear Lord, allow me this one victory in the money league as you’ve seen fit to grant me an ankle biter on-the-way, and through your infinite wisdom, you’ve determined diapers to cost a buttload –pun not intendedest. Oh Lord, hear my pleas to grant victory over my opponents this week – they all use thy name in vain, succumb to gluttony, and disobey speed limits. If, through thy infinite wisdom, thou determinest to grant victory to the heathens this week, a small, localized plague of locusts at their abode would be pretty sweet. Amen. "
I'd like to add Randy Moss and his hamstring to the prayer request list. I just acquired him in a trade and I'm hoping he'll get healthy and help me in the playoffs.
