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Posted by: Bradley McDonald

My wife was not too pleased to learn that I was joining a fantasy baseball league this year, after being around for a few fantasy football seasons. Seems she thinks I spend a little too much time on my teams. Apparently, Bill Simmons can relate:

I need to win my AL-only fantasy league this season. It's one of the most crucial things happening in my life right now -- not top-five, but definitely top-10. I wish I were making this up.

So does my wife. When she hears me discussing trades with my co-owner, Hench, or sees me silently swearing in front of my laptop because Torii Hunter took another 0-for-4, it makes her angry. Like, really angry. Like, we-might-be-getting-divorced-soon angry. She doesn't know (or care) that Hench and I were favored to win this season, or that we're currently floundering in fifth place with a cast of underachievers.

It's hard to explain to a non-sports fan why fantasy sports are so addictive, but to sum it up, it lets us "manage" guys that we really have no control over. And to a guy who, growing up, used to pick nine random baseball cards and make a batting lineup based on their strengths and weaknesses, that's exciting.

Try explaining that to my wife when I'm on the computer all hours of the night figuring out what free agent I want to look up.

But Simmons has come up with a brilliant plan that could lead to understanding with the females - a fantasy league that women would enjoy!

And then it hit me.

Us Weekly.

The Sports Gal loves Us Weekly. It's her bible. She devours it religiously each week. She examines every picture, reads every story and mutters stuff like, "My God, she's too skinny!" and "I just don't get why they're together!" If I've begun to thumb through the mail on the day the magazine arrives, she walks over and rips it out of my hands. She likes seeing what everyone is wearing. She likes the gossip. She out-and-out loves the "Fashion Police" and the "Stars -- They're Just Like Us" sections. (Because, after all, stars are just like us! They go to Starbucks! They take out the trash!) There is nothing about Us Weekly she doesn't appreciate.

So I'm going to create an Us Weekly fantasy league just for her. It's a million-dollar idea that could make me rich, if I weren't too dumb to figure out how to trademark it. More important, it will save my marriage. I can't afford to get divorced, it's way too expensive.

Here's how it works: 10 teams, auction format, $200 cap, five male and five female celebs per roster. Scoring is head-to-head for 22 weeks, playoffs over the last three (so you can have two seasons per year). OK, let's say you pay $55 for that chain-smoking tramp Lindsay Lohan. If she makes the cover of Us, you get 10 points (three for the inset photo). Every other Lohan picture inside is worth one. If she appears in the "Fashion Police," you're docked three. That's it. Simple. You can add or drop your celebs each Monday. Like maybe you want to dump Jake Gyllenhaal (because the whole "Brokeback" thing has played out) and grab Josh Hartnett (because he's dating Scarlett Johansson). Then again, you might want to hang on to Gyllenhaal. He's single and his number might be up in the Lohan deli line.