Help the Poor Sick Children of the Western World!
Posted by: Jared
I knew it! I'm not "overweight", "calorically challenged", or "vertically impaired". I'm sick. The illness came on gradually in my sophomore year of college, and its effects have been growing (literally) ever since!
But new research is being done that proves that being "fat" is actually linked to a virus. Adult stem cells, when exposed to virus Ad-36 (which, mysteriously, is the number of pounds I have gained since getting married), have a greater tendency to develop into fat cells. Furthermore, fat cells created by exposure to Ad-36 carry up to 30% more fat than the average fat cell. So, these poor sick people that populate American beaches during the summer have more and fatter fat cells than the people who stay home from the beach 'cause the "fatties" are already there.
Now Here's the Great News . . . and the Not-So-Great News
Yes, it's a virus. And you know what that means, don't you? Vaccination! Jonas Salk and Louis Pasteur not only cure rabies and polio but contribute to the cure of common fatness. But wait! What's this? They will only give the vaccine to skinny people to prevent them from becoming fat. (No joke! I saw this on a CNN news report as I was eating lunch the other day . . .at McDonald's.)
Life in These United States
Ok, so poking fun at fat people is not funny. Well, I'm not trying to do that. Obesity is literally killing America. But when will we ever accept the fact that our actions have consequences and stop looking for a pill or a shot to offset a lifetime of poor health choices? Or poor sexual choices? Or depression brought about by a lack of obedience to God's word and will?
Obesity is simply the most obvious sign of the deepest problem of the American culture-a complete lack of self-discipline. I say it like this: any culture that smiles at a T-shirt that says, "Life is basketball. The rest is just details," is in obvious decline.
So, let's fight the spirit of the age. Don't take the fat vaccine! Eat more veggies! Jog in place as you read this blog! Strike a blow for true freedom-the freedom to do what's right, not what's easiest!
As to not giving the vaccine to "fat people," Ad-36 is not like the cold where you kill the viruses and you are cured. Once infected by Ad-36 the damage is done and a vaccine will do nothing.
As to not taking the vaccine, I just heard a preacher tell a story where a man was on the roof of his house because of a flood. His neighbor came by in a boat and offered to pick him up but he refused saying "God will save me." A second boat came and he refused a second time. The water grow higher and a helicopter came but the man said "I will stay and God will save me." The flood grow higher and he died and went to heaven. The man asked God why he did not save me and God said "I sent you two boats and a helicopter what more did you want." Could this vaccine be our boat?
Posted by
John |
Thu Sep 06, 08:59:00 AM 2007
Well, I would agree that a vaccine might be a good stop-gap measure. But the very fact that we are inventing a "shot" to prevent fatness (rather than emphasizing the discipline of a good diet and regular exercise) is symptomatic of a much larger issue-we, as a culture, do NOT know how to discipline ourselves (and I stand guilty as charged here too).
Thanks for the clarification about the nature of the virus.
Posted by
Jared |
Fri Sep 07, 10:41:00 AM 2007